Preparing for the Transition to Adulthood: What You Can Do at 8, 12, and 17
If you're parenting a child with a disability, chances are you've been so focused on the day-to-day that the future often feels like a distant blur. But ask any parent who has been through the transition to adulthood, and they’ll tell you: start sooner than you think.
The move from childhood services to adulthood is one of the most daunting shifts families face. In school, your child might have a dedicated team, structured supports, and clear plans. Once they leave that system, everything changes—and much of it requires advance planning, self-advocacy, and navigation of complicated adult service systems.
So how do you prepare for a future that still feels far away? You start early. You start small. And you center your child in the process.
Here’s a breakdown of what transition planning can look like at three key stages: age 8, age 12, and age 17.
Before Anything Else: Understand Eligibility for Adult Services
One of the biggest misunderstandings families face is believing that adult services will be a continuation of school-based supports. They are not.
Eligibility for adult services through state agencies like the Department of Developmental Services (DDS), Vocational Rehabilitation (VR), Medicaid waivers, and other systems often begins far earlier than most families realize. Some programs begin taking applications as early as age 8 or 10. Waiting until high school may be too late to access the full range of supports your child may need after they age out of school-based services.
Action step: Find out what your state or region requires for adult services eligibility. Contact agencies now—even if your child is young. Get on waitlists early, even if you’re not sure your child will need the services later. It’s easier to say no than to scramble when services aren’t available.
This early step can change everything about how you plan for adulthood.
At 8: Planting Seeds
This is the stage of curiosity, skill-building, and laying the foundation for future independence.
What to focus on:
Responsibility in daily routines. Let your child help pack their bag, choose their clothes, or set a timer for tasks. These tiny acts build confidence and autonomy.
Exposure to new environments. Visiting the grocery store, ordering in a restaurant, or taking part in family chores helps build real-world familiarity.
Strength-based language. Start talking about what they’re great at: “You’re really good at noticing details.” “You remember directions so well.” These affirmations build self-identity.
Early self-advocacy. Encourage them to speak up when they need a break or when something feels too hard. Teach them the words to ask for help.
Modeling & narrating. Talk aloud about your own decisions and planning. “I’m making a list so I don’t forget.” “I’m setting a timer so I stay on track.” This normalizes support tools.
You're not pushing independence—you're growing it in age-appropriate ways.
At 12: Building Awareness
Middle school is a powerful time to explore identity, strengths, preferences, and long-term interests.
What to focus on:
Personal insight. Talk openly about their learning style, communication needs, and strategies that help. Try: “Do you notice it’s easier to focus when it’s quiet?” or “What helps you feel successful at school?”
Early decision-making. Offer choices. Let them participate in setting schedules or choosing extracurriculars. This builds ownership.
Skills for interdependence. It’s not all about self-sufficiency—teach your child how to ask for help, set boundaries, and use tools and supports.
Involve them in IEP meetings. Even just attending part of the meeting or reviewing goals at home can be powerful. Frame it as: “This meeting is about how to help you grow. You get to have a voice.”
Explore career interests. What are they curious about? What do they enjoy doing with their hands, minds, or time? Keep it playful but intentional.
This stage is about turning inward to understand who they are—and how the world can meet them there.
At 17: Launch Planning
Now you're getting closer to the big transition—and the stakes feel higher. It can feel overwhelming. That’s normal. But with proactive steps, it becomes more manageable.
What to focus on:
Adult services. Follow up on eligibility, confirm enrollment, and begin transition planning with those agencies. Build your child’s service network before graduation.
Build daily living routines. Practice making meals, managing money, handling transportation, or using a cell phone independently (if applicable).
Community exposure. Volunteer work, internships, or community-based classes can build transferable skills and boost confidence.
Talk about dreams. Ask: “What kind of life do you want?” Frame it around friendships, work, living situations, and how much support feels comfortable.
Foster emotional self-awareness. Help your child learn to recognize stress, calm themselves, and advocate for mental wellness.
Begin guardianship conversations if relevant. Explore supported decision-making, power of attorney, or legal guardianship options with a trusted professional.
Include your child in as many of these conversations as possible. Even if they don’t speak or communicate in traditional ways, they deserve to be centered in decisions about their future.
Final Thoughts
The transition to adulthood can feel like a mountain. But when you start early and take it step by step, it becomes a journey of empowerment—not panic.
No two paths look the same. For some, college may be the goal. For others, a supportive community job, group home, or day program may be the right fit. There is no one "right" outcome. The goal is a life with meaning, connection, and dignity—on your child’s terms.
Need help mapping it out? Coaching can help you break down this big transition into manageable steps. Let’s build the future together.
