Puberty Happens… Even Here: What No One Tells You About Adolescence and Kids with Complex Disabilities
Let’s just say it out loud:
💥 Puberty is weird.
💥 Puberty in kids with complex disabilities? Even weirder.
💥 No one talks about it enough—and parents are often left totally unprepared.
You might be changing a pull-up and noticing underarm hair.
Your child may still need help getting dressed, but now you’re buying their first bra.
You may be managing behavioral outbursts and realizing they’re driven by hormones, not just regulation.
And yet… this is all part of it.
Because your child is growing up.
Whether they use words or not, whether they’re in an academic program or a life skills class—if your child is entering adolescence, their body did not get the memo to pause development. They are becoming a teenager. Awkwardness, hormones, big feelings, and all.
Dignity First, Always
One of the most important things we can do is recognize and respect the humanity of this moment. Just because your child still needs assistance doesn’t mean their dignity is on hold.
They deserve:
Privacy, even if they don’t fully understand it
Body autonomy, even if they need support
Real information, even if it’s delivered in simple or visual language
Clothing, hygiene, and grooming that matches their age and identity—not just what’s convenient
Yes, you’re still parenting. But now you’re parenting someone in a developing body, with very real internal shifts happening. That deserves attention.
What This Might Look Like
Let’s normalize what you may already be seeing—and maybe quietly panicking about:
Mood swings (no, it’s not just the weather or the snack)
B.O. (and the deodorant battles that follow)
New boundaries around nudity or personal space
Curiosity about others’ bodies—even if they can't quite ask
Romantic or relational interest in peers, staff, or others
Sound familiar? These are all developmentally typical, even if they play out differently or need extra support to manage safely.
How to Approach It (Without Melting Into a Puddle of Discomfort)
🧼 1. Teach hygiene routines as early as possible.
Even if they still need help, the practice of doing these things with growing independence matters.
🩺 2. Talk to your child's doctor proactively.
Don’t wait until there’s an issue—ask what to expect and what you can do to prepare.
📚 3. Use resources that match your child’s cognitive and communication level.
Think visuals, social stories, and body-positive language. Try:
Teaching Children with Down Syndrome About Their Bodies, Boundaries, and Sexuality
The Girls' Guide to Growing Up / The Boys’ Guide to Growing Up (Terri Couwenhoven)
😅 4. It’s okay to be awkward. Say so.
“I know this is a weird topic, but it’s important.”
If your child is verbal, name the elephant in the room and push through. If not, they’ll still sense your tone—calm, curious, and not panicked is the goal.
🧍♀️ 5. Model consent and body respect—early and often.
Narrate what you're doing. “I’m going to help you wipe now—ready?” That tone teaches more than you think.
And… Humor Helps
Honestly? Puberty is a comedy of smells, emotions, and tragic body hair for every kid. You’re allowed to laugh about it (privately). You’re allowed to cringe. You’re allowed to Google things at 11pm and text your mom friends “HELP.”
It doesn’t mean you’re not taking it seriously.
It means you’re human.
Final Thoughts
If your child has complex disabilities, you might feel stuck between two parenting worlds. But here’s the truth:
🧡 Your child is still growing up.
🧡 Their development still deserves dignity.
🧡 This stage is hard—for everyone.
🧡 You’re doing better than you think.
Need a partner in figuring this out? I work with parents navigating everything from behavior and communication to puberty and life transitions.
Book a free consultation at www.soundshorecoaching.com — awkwardness included. 😅
